one way ticket

i bought a one way ticket to taiwan from texas using frequent flier miles.  it cost me $21.10.  

as i sat in my seat soaring across the pacific, watching a very bad movie with kate hudson and matthew mcconaughey, all i could feel was an overwhelming sense of panic. 

what. was. i. doing?

fleeing, apparently, in strongest sense of the word.   reflecting back on my decision making process, i am not entirely sure what gave me the ridiculous idea in the first place.   but it stuck.  

however, i did not arbitrarily point my finger at a world map and pick taiwan. i have roots here, with an impressively large extended family.  i became tefl certified (teaching english as a foreign language) while playing housewife in boston, and am reasonably fluent in mandarin.  

is this decision forever? no, not forever.  very little in life is ever forever, and all i know is this is for right now.  the truth is, i am buying time, and at the moment, i am feeling so, so much better.  

love, fif

we'll call it phase three.

life can change quickly.  up until one beautiful day last july, i thought i had it all.  at the time i didn't recognize the significance of the conversation that eventually snowballed into my current predicament:

30 years old, unemployed, and divorced (pending).

my friends try to console me by saying, "at least you're not fat". 

the past many months has been mainly filled with pain, sadness, anger, and despair.  i needed a drastic change, an eat, pray, love type of change.  never mind that i loathe the eat, pray, love woman.  i couldn't get past the second half of the book, and i barely made it through the film.  i hate her and her first world problems, except i am annoying in exactly the same first world way- without all the money, and without a best-selling novel. 

drat.

so here i find myself, an american expat, starting over, in danger of dying a spinster, and flailing in formosa. 

care to join me on this super fun journey? 

love, fif